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Question #33: How do you handle arguments with your husband?
OK, I know I've said it before, but now I really, really, really don't want to answer this question!!!
This does not make me look or sound good at all, but when my husband and I argue, I always win. Seriously, always. I cannot think of a single time that we have argued that he started it, or that he won. This has bothered me in the past, but not in the way it should. It bothers me because I think that I can't possibly be right all of the time. It bothers me because I feel like he isn't speaking up for himself or wanting to share his point of view. And that bothers me because if you hold something inside for too long, even if you think you are doing what's best, one day it will eventually blow up like a volcano....and there's no putting a volcano back together. I've seen it happen so many times before. A couple argues about something, one of them never says anything about how they really feel, then 5-10 years later whatever that issue or behavior is now drives that person so crazy that they actually can't stand their spouse any longer and they don't want to fix anything either. Marriage over.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not constantly screaming at my husband, we actually don't argue much at all. What I call an argument is when he has done, or NOT done, something and I can't take it anymore so I bring it to his attention. He almost always apologizes and says he will do better. The only time that "screaming" comes in is if I've had a really bad day and that issue or behavior is the last straw, or if I have waited too long to eat....we've already discussed this, no need to revisit ;) We had a talk about arguments early on. He understands where I'm coming from on 99% of the things we discuss, and agrees with me. Sometimes he just gets lazy. I think really we are very lucky. First that we see eye to eye on so many things, and second, he understands that sometimes I need to get really loud and then I feel much better. :)
This makes me wonder how much other people argue. Usually it's done behind closed doors, you don't see your friends fighting in front of you when they invite you over for dinner. The most you see is on TV, and of course we know how reliable that is. Of course I read books and articles that talk about the divorce rate, including the rate among Christians....it's scary! I know that they say people argue the most over money, then secondly over parenting. I guess I can kind of see those points. If the two of you have very different points of view, yep, that'll bring on an argument. I guess I just don't understand why these things weren't discussed before you got married. Of course when it comes to the kids, you can say that you agree on things before you ever have them, but sometimes when they come out, all bets are off. What if the child has special needs and there are so many different ways to treat that, now you disagree.
And money...well, the more I think about it I could see where problems might come in. Maybe you did discuss it before you got married, but then someone lost a job. Or one of you became ill and couldn't work anymore. Or maybe one of your parents now needs caregiving and you weren't planning on having to pay for that. Yes, money can be a touchy subject I guess. I think the actual root of the problem, though, is fear. What if we run out? What if we can't pay the bills? What if we have to sell our home? Where will we go? I'm guilty of that one. I did become ill and can't work anymore. We didn't plan on that...not at this point anyway. When I first was diagnosed we thought, well, when we get the house paid off I would just quit working. But then I got more ill. And even though we are still able to put a little bit extra on the payment every month, it wasn't what we planned. We certainly didn't plan to be paying as much for health insurance as I am right now.
Lucky for us, at this point anyway and I hope it doesn't change, we can see that God will take care of us one way or another. It may not be the way that we planned, but it will be alright. We might have to make even bigger changes and cut even more corners, but God will not fail us. He will take care of us...maybe not "in the manner to which we are accustomed", but He will take care of us nonetheless!
Hmmmm, I'm not so sure that I stayed on topic, but maybe someone needed to read what I wrote as it just seemed to flow right out. Or maybe I just needed to be reminded myself!
Until Next Time.....
Franny
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